Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
