I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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