It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
