I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
