Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
