I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
