Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
