i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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