This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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