I think I died a long time ago.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You've changed since you got that strap on
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
