Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
