Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
