don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
