It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
