did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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