Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
