What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize