The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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