True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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