is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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