I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
