Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
