PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
