After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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