Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
