i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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