she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
