i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
