i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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