I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
