I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
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