just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
