I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
