I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
