god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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