i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
