I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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