ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
