I hate your face
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
