I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
