My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
