I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
