College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
