I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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