Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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