Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
