I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
