I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
