I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
