I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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