OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
