Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
