so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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