I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
