Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
