She's JV to your varsity
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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