Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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