when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
