dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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