Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
