Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
