What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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